If you’re dating, you know how difficult it can be to find someone you enjoy being with and that’s worth a second date. And when you find that person, you certainly don’t want to let them go. So then, you may be asking yourself, “Why am I single?“. A lot of people go through life wondering why they’re not in a relationship, or why none of their relationships ever work out. Believe it or not, the answer to this dilemma may be as simple as looking in the mirror. Okay, okay. Before you start to shake your head and object, it’s important to understand how you’re the one sabotaging any change at a relationship that goes your way. Think about it seriously and see if you recognize yourself in the following:
1. You always choose people who are emotionally unavailable.
This means the only people you seem to be attracted to are married or otherwise involved. Side note: God will never send you to somebody else’s husband. Ever. I promise. You may also choose people who are still carrying torches for their exes — or even crushes who never wanted anything to do with them. When you only go after these types of people, you’re sabotaging yourself before you can even get off the ground. These people will never be able to commit to you romantically and, subconsciously, you know it. So, ask yourself the question, “Am I deliberately going after people who I can never have?
“Am I deliberately going after people who I can never have?”
2. You’re finally in a good relationship, and you cheat on your partner.
Ouch. Noticing this kind of patter in your relationships can be painful. If you’re with someone who you think you may love and can eventually marry, what’s leading you to cheat? Sometimes, in addition to cheating, people will go out of their way to make sure their partner finds out. Explore what’s making you feel the way you are – what makes you deliberately ruin the relationship.
3. You nit-pick everything about your partner.
This typically happens once you’re in a relationship that seems like it’s actually heading somewhere — like down the aisle. Maybe you’re running scared for whatever reason and try as hard as you can to find everything under the sun wrong with your partner. These are usually silly things, like how you don’t like how they squeeze the toothpaste tube (yes, people have been to counseling over this before). Sometimes, you may go out of your way to find something you really don’t like, just to say “I TOLD YOU SO!”
What’s underneath the surface?
These issues certainly aren’t the only things you may be doing to sabotage your own relationships for yourself, but they do top the list. If you see yourself in any of these situations, you may want to start asking yourself some tough questions. Many times, I see people who say they want a relationship more than anything while doing all they can to make sure it doesn’t happen — and many times, they don’t even know it. When you discover the why of what you’re doing, you’ll be able to figure out the how to stop it. It is possible for you to have a successful relationship!